I've actually started studying, and yeah, I'm making notes for econs, despite WQ's declaration that no one will bother to. I should really be studying now. :/
Anyway, I'm here to say that despite the fact that love sucks, it never ceases to amaze me. 
It's so damn beautiful, 
and I hate that it should hurt so much.

---
There's a mystery to what her love can do
And she has a way of taking over you
She can hold your heart with every move she makes
But a single smile is really all it takes

She'll make you forget the way life used to be
Because once you let her in, she will take your everything

She will tell me that her loves a day away
And there's something in her eyes that makes me stay
But her expectations are too great for me
So she'll leave me for the man I'll never be
She took all I had from beginning to end
But if I had another chance, I'd probably do it all again

The New York sky's finding me lonely in love tonight
This way I deal can't take away what is real
Or change how I feel

Cause her name is always Elizabeth
And she'll take your heart away and apologize for breaking it
Just the same, love of any other kind
Would simply be a waste of time
Love of any other kind
Would simply be a waste of time to me
---

hellogoodbye: thank you for the prayer, thank you for everything.
ash: didn't ask for forgiveness. didn't ask for your opinion.
cara: stay strong, love, you'll pull through. it's painful now, but soon, soon, it'll all be better.
maxine: aw, thanks (: yeah, i'm good.
huixian: i should think so. i need the retreat. sniff. haven't confirmed with my parents though.

I can’t find the words to say, the right lines to explain what happened. You don’t even know what happened, you don’t even care. You didn’t even want to listen, to believe, to understand what really happened. So you come up with a blog post. Thank you, really, for telling me how you see it.

Well, the truth is that I’m not laughing. You assumed that. Why do you make yourself believe such things? Do you think I’m happy now? That I’ve just moved on? No, that line wasn’t for me, idiot. It was for you.

It is all my fault. Have you heard me denying it? It is my mistake, another wrong I’ve done, another knife I’ve pierced into your heart. But you never gave me the chance. You don’t give a damn about what went through my mind, do you? You just see what I’ve done and take it as empirical evidence to believe that I did this in order to hurt you.

I never promised you anything, and I, did, not, lie. I am not ready for a boyfriend. Stop making it seem as if I’ve betrayed you.

Look, I am not yours and you are not mine. What is there to be committed to? Have I cheated on you? The truth is, you have to accept that I have my own life. I don’t bloody care about my face. I’m done worrying about that. No, believe it or not, reputation doesn’t bug me as much as it did. What the hell, what face is there to save anyway? The whole world was there to watch, just like you said.

And you really truly believe that I’m not hurt? That I just went on with my life? Bloody hell, you don’t see me at all. You don’t see me at night, you don’t see me in church; you don’t see me when my heart shatters. You don’t hear the things I say to my friends, you don’t see my friends getting so afraid of watching their friend breaking. You don’t care. If you did, you could’ve asked Cara, or Janice, even. Or maybe sometimes actually read my posts.

You must hate me. I never should’ve done that. You probably think I’ve been doing this all along. Well, I can’t defend myself. Sometimes I wish you never met me. I wish I could reverse time, throw on the “totally dedicated to being single” shirt and sit at home.

I’m not good for you, you know.

/edit;
I remember that promise, I'm sorry.
& If you cared you would've given me the opportunity to talk to you.

This song is for you, Christopher.
I'll see you in the chat logs.

Yeah, I know, I totally ruined it.
(I say it looks better when you get to see the real thing though.)
What the hell, eh? I think it's a good first attempt at oil painting.


---
We move on;
I'll acknowledge your existence when you finally do mine.

/edit;
Crying makes you feel better, but it makes the people around you feel bad.
So I've decided to stop that,
yeah, I'll smile.

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

-Thank you, loves.

Maybe it's the therapy, but I'm bloody frustrated.
I can't please anyone, and everything's wrong.
Just go away, will you?
I hate this just as much as you do.
No one's perfect, and it never was supposed to be this way.

Moment's impulse, moment's mistake.

It's been more than a week since valentine's day, and my life is just screwed as it is. It's true I handle everything wrong, and yes, I am a bloody idiot. It wasn't supposed to happen, and it shouldn't have. I was taken by impulse and drew near the glowing comfort.

I need support, alright? I,
I’m twenty leagues below independent.
I had no idea this would happen, it happened in an instant, and I couldn’t bear to..

So I have to ride through with this. And I’m not even letting myself give myself some excuse to run away or blame it on someone else.
I deserve this.

Oh God, help me please,
I’ve fallen so far without your light.

I bliddy confused and in pain.
I have to live with the consequences, answer the “is this really you?” question and reap what I’ve sown. There’re times I feel I’m worth a million roses, and there’re times I wish I hadn’t been born. (I wish it now.)

Heartbreaker,
I’ve run out of beauty,
Run out of excuses,
& I’m bloody tired of fixing the mess I keep creating.

This love tears you apart and breaks you down.
Once again, I’m sorry. (I’d say it to you in person if you’d let me.)
This is the worst I’ve felt since then.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.

-1 Corinthians 13: 4-10

Today was wonderful (: I received much more than I dared hope for and felt so much love. Thank you for everything. Thank you Serene, Qiulin, Yiyan, Cara, Renjean, Janice, Shuyi, Tracy, WenLoong, Daniel, JoeWei, Chuyun, Joshua and WanZhen. You people made me feel so special.

Alright, so V day is just symbolic, but I love it all the same.

Today was a long day though, I had classes, aep and dance. Ended at 8, as usual. Didn't go out (: So yeah, by the time I got to go home, I had to carry my normal (heavy) school bag, my (ridiculously heavy) school file, __ roses, alot of (yummy) goodies, a huge plush flower, a plush rose, a musical box, a snowglobe, my AEP portfolio (that's soo cumbersome) and extra goodies. Those who saw me would have observed 4 huge bags hanging from me.

Anddd, I had to take public transport.

On the bus, there was this sweet aunty. She told me that I should put sugar in the water for my roses when I got home. She also passed me 2 plastic bags to dump my huge file and huge portfolio in. She was cute, but it didn't really help. I was standing in the crowdedd bus and my roses were dying. I fingers felt like they were gonna drop off and my shoulders ached like ___. Then my whole arm went numb. Interesting.

Haha, oh well. I think the roses are happier now that they have water to soak up. Hurray to that.




I was so worried about this rose. (Haha.)

This post says that kara isn't emo (:
She's not moody anymore, either.
Kara met up with Huixian and Amanda at Far east and did shopping.
She declares that retail therapy is indeed therapy.
(This is a positive and upbeat post.) <3

I hate setting myself up for a disappointment.
I hate being alone when everyone else isn't.
No, I really don't have alot of hate in me.
It's just that I need alot of love.

So yeah, we had CNY celebrations at NJ. It was fun  normal, I suppose. Everyone was in red. Cept me, Serene, Gayle, Gwen, Ash, haha, class people. It's amusing. I don't really like busking in red. (:
& I got high when my junior said I looked prettayye. Haha, yeah. Weakness for compliments.
After school, everyone disappeared. :/
I ended up in an 06 outing, but it was fun. Thank you belle for making me happy(:
They saved me- because if I didn't go out with them, I'd probably be in tears now.

I haven't done any CNY shopping yet, and I'm hoping to get some clothes today. Haha, I may or may not be able to, since alot of the shops ae closed. I think they should be open >:( people like me really need to do last minute shopping. Haha.

I'm disappointed,
dispirited,
and confused.
It's all quite terrible.

(But I'm making it sound worse than it is; I'm not emo, David. Just reflective.)

I have concluded that painkillers really do work.
(Doesn't mean I change my mind, I still don't like them.)
Thank you to everyone who helped make the pain feel better. You people rock (; 
Thanks for the smses, the calls, the late nights and all the concern.
Me better now, promise.
Me take those dreadful painkillers.

Hello.
I'm at home now, and I don't know what to do.
I have uhmm.. I'm in pain. So yeah, my mum insists I stay at home. She says I'll faint if I go to school. I think it's just drama.
(I do feel like crap now, though.) Pain.
Anyway, if I stay at home and skip the 2 tests, I need to get an mc.
If I get an mc, these are the things I'll miss:

1. The 2 tests.
   
2. All the lessons of the day.
3. The career chart presentation thing.
4. The YFC meeting.
5. The NE ambassador's meeting.
6. Talentime, and Cara's performance, and my $5.

So yeah, I have a few choices to choose from now.

1. Go to school now, smile, laugh, tell the teachers I overslept and simply melt into a pool of blood later.
   
2. Go get MC and go to school after school ends and hide from all teachers. (My parents are very against this.)
3. Go get MC and sulk at home for the whole day while people get angry with me for skipping talentime and the 2 tests.

Haha, now seriously. Someone tell me what to do.
I don't want people to think I'm poning school to miss the 2 tests!
I'm not; I actually studied for them last night.
This is just so comical. Maybe I should just stick to my mum's idea and sulk at home.
(Btw, she thinks I'm turning green or something. Like my lips are really pale.)
I can't walk.