I sought the Lord, and He answered me;
He delivered me from all my fears.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves thosed who are crushed in spirit.
-Psalm 34:4,18
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Well, I can't say that this week has been perfect. In fact, it got rather bad at times. The special thing about this week is that I was stronger. I'm convinced that very few people know what I'm going through, and no one besides God will see me for who I am. I'm not who I look like. I act based on things you will never know and you probably will never go through. I'm really whining, but if you knew what I went through and how much I've hurt, you wouldn't look at me the same way.

But the thing is? Jesus got it worse. He was hated for doing the right thing, and yet he loved the very people who killed Him. He's my example today and forever.

I've been praying more, reading more of His word. I'm realising how every-day conversations are actually spiritual warfare hidden by the masks of laughter and jokes. In any case, I've discarded my desperate need for friends. I'm going to try to be a friend rather than get friends. I've realised that I've pursued friendships in a very selfish way. It was for me, my security, my happiness. And this isn't friendship at all. It's just, well, selfish.

AND I don't need a boyfriend to be secure.

I'm writing a journal to my future husband. Haha, sure. Everyone I've told this to has given me a "seriously?" look and a laugh. I'm doing this to acknowledge that my future husband has already been set apart for me. It's to tell myself how special this person has to be, to keep me pure for this special someone aaand so that my husband will know me better, know what I mean when I say "I've waited for you and I know God put you here for me." I'm not going back to the old self.

Also, the book I'm doing for quiet time tells me how Christians should be.
1. They obey God's commands. (1 John 2:3-4)
2. They act like Jesus. (1 John 2:5b-6)
3. They don't hold grudges, they don't hate. (1 John 2:9)
4. They don't love material things or things of the world. (1 John 2:15b)
5. They don't wander away from their faith. (1 John 2:19b)

I'm just so grateful that I have someone who understands my 3am tears and all the hurt I've ever felt before. Who needs a boyfriend now when I have someone like that?